Columbus, Ohio USA
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Clean It Up!
By Joel Knepp
March/April 2018 Issue
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I encounter many sights while wandering around the Short North: houses being rehabbed, tourists jockeying for parking spots, giant cranes assembling new buildings, orange cones on torn-up streets, tattooed folks walking their dogs while looking at the phones, and sadly, litter.
As the area gets increasingly crowded, more and more trash is showing up in our gutters, sidewalks, parks, everywhere. Some particularly trashy locations other than High Street are the east side of Goodale Park along Park Street, near the bars by the North Market, and Harrison Avenue between Buttles and Third. On just about any given day in that last stretch, one can find six or eight cans and bottles as well as a variety of other stuff. Recently I picked up six beverage containers while strolling down West First Avenue between High Street and Neil.
Several items predominate in my depressing and admittedly unscientific survey of Short North flotsam and jetsam. Number one both overall and in the beverage category is Bud Light, pretty much equally divided between cans and bottles. I wonder as I wander the ‘hood just what lies behind this plethora of irresponsibly chucked Bud Lights. Are BL aficionados, due to traumatic childhoods, particularly heedless of the environmental degradation to which they contribute? Could it be that they are inclined to trash the world that has done them wrong? More simply, is BL the choice of knuckleheads?
Alternately, does this voluminous littering represent an expression of dissatisfaction with this brewskie’s distinct lack of flavor? A piece of anecdotal evidence supporting this theory is the fact that most of the BLs I find are only partially emptied. Maybe it’s the puzzling fact that so many Bud Lights are consumed vis-à-vis other beers that more discards just naturally show up where they shouldn’t. I will state that I have rarely seen a tossed import or craft beer container in the ‘hood, although they do appear here and there. We should also note that the more health-minded beverage consumers are certainly not angels, because plenty of water bottles show up regularly, many within a few feet of blue recycling bins.
Runner-up in the litter wars is the empty cigarette pack. The undisputed leader in this category is Marlboro, followed by Newport. Also in contention are the skinny cellophane wrappers from Swisher Sweets and similar flavored cigarillos, many with plastic tips. Again, the question arises as to why these and almost no other smokables containers show up as I roam local streets. Though I haven’t noticed a lot of mounted cowboys roaming the Short North, it surely seems to qualify as Marlboro Country. Note: This is a reference to a time when television was replete with tobacco ads. Older readers might recall the TV ad jingle “Come to where the flavor is….” And while we’re on smokables, it really burns me (pun intended) that some smokers think it’s their God-given right to chuck their butts anywhere rather than dispose of them properly. Nowadays many folks step outside to smoke, but on the premise that the world is their ashtray, some feel free to deposit their tar and nicotine-soaked filters for everyone to wade through. They seem to think that cigarette butts don’t actually constitute litter and that alleys are actually elongated public trash cans. Corners with stop signs are another favorite for these miscreants. They might not bring their vehicles to a full stop as required by law, but they slow down enough to pitch their butts out their car windows.
Assorted candy wrappers and Starbuck’s trash are also major components of Short North litter, but one little item, though not all that common, really grosses me out. Apparently, some people think nothing of using one of those little plastic tooth-flossing thingies that look like mini Velveeta cutters and then flinging it onto the ground, sidewalk, or parking lot. Eeeewww!! I’m all for good oral hygiene but please refrain from sharing your plaque with the neighborhood.
Like the rough-hewn TV Sheriff Longmire, I abhor litter and have felt that way ever since I can remember. An incident from my youth may have cemented this feeling. I was raised mostly on army bases, which were socialistic, controlled environments where littering was a serious infraction of community norms. While riding with my father one day, a couple of soldiers in the car in front made the mistake of tossing out some fast-food trash. My dad, The Colonel, pulled them over and read them the riot act. I would be willing to bet that those hapless GIs experienced a long-lasting attitude adjustment. Well done, Dad!
More than anything else, littering puzzles me. It just makes no sense. Why would anybody think that depositing a half-drunk can of Red Bull, a McDonald’s cup, or a blue baggie full of dog poop on the ground is a good idea? It’s not like there’s a shortage of trash and recycling receptacles. Scarcely a spot exists in the entire Short North where one of these containers isn’t within a few yards or at least in view. Perhaps folks have a weird kind of selective blindness when it comes to being responsible about discarded items. Maybe they think the city provides a roaming pick-up service and by failing to litter they would be depriving low-skilled workers of employment. Maybe they just don’t think at all. The last choice gets my vote.
To lend an international perspective to this anti-litter rant, I’ll relate an experience from one of my trips to the mysterious land of India. In many parts of that ancient, large, and diverse nation, there seems to be absolutely no sense of responsibility for public space. A vacant lot covered with trash often sits between two beautifully landscaped and maintained properties. The owners of the two spiffy properties seem to have no sense that the dump between them reflects poorly on them or the community. I’ve even seen this puzzling phenomenon at a lovely walled ashram, a place of religious retreat and instruction teeming with young, able-bodied men who could render an adjacent trashed lot pristine in a morning’s effort. Although India has many admirable qualities, we in the Short North should certainly not emulate this one. Public space in America is everybody’s space.
And so I say to Short North visitors and residents: help us preserve the beauty of our unique part of Columbus by doing the right thing with your trash. Visitors, please treat our neighborhood as if it were your own street, your own yard. Renters, homeowners, landlords, and business folks, take some time each day to survey the streets, sidewalks, and open areas around your buildings and pick up trash, or as they say in the army, police the area. Keep in mind that cleanliness is next to godliness. If everyone will put forth just a bit of mindful effort, we can make and keep the Short North clean and beautiful.Joel Knepp lives in Victorian Village with his wife Lynda McClanahan, an artist.
They performed as the musical duo Nick & Polina for many years in the area.© 2018 Short North Gazette, Columbus, Ohio. All rights reserved.
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